New Beginnings?

2012 has been a great year no doubt. I've gained friends, Lost a first love, Got TRULY heartbroken, Lost a friend who I used to call my best friend, Thought I found "The guy", Became a lot closer to old friends, Went away on vacation with my friend and her parents, Met Lauren ,Went to highschool, Started becoming more active on YouTube, Made a Blog, Got told my dreams aren't as crazy as everyone says they are, Tinychatted with Abraham Lim and Tyler Ford, Became a part of my first ever High school Musical "Footloose", and so many, many more things.

I can say that I'm ready for 2013 and I hope it's going to be "My Year". I mean surely sometimes life doesn't always work out the way we want it to. I'm just hoping that through all the heartbreak of 2012 it doesn't happen again in 2013. Through life I guess everyone gains friends, that means that we also loose some. I lost a friend who I used to call my best friend. We still talk but we never hang out anymore or do anything like we used to. I guess it happens to everyone. The only good thing about this was that through it I actually gained more friends and became so close to them.

Everyone has a first love. That one that you wish to be with forever. I was lucky enough to have mine in 2012. Things change, and so do people. The relationship lasted 8 months and then it was gone. I lost him and a friend. However, I started talking to him again only to find out he had a girlfriend. I was completely heartbroken but we can't always have what we want. There was the time I had truly thought that I found "The Guy" only to find months later I rushed out of a relationship and I still had feelings for my first love.

I gained the guts to go on vacation with a friend. I get homesick and I miss my mom when I'm gone away from her for a long time. That's why I never went on vacation with a friend before. I'm so glad I went though because I met an inspiration. I met Lauren of Someonelikeyou18. This also made me so much closer to the friend I went with.

I experienced High school for the first time. I started becoming much more active on YouTube. I reached over 900 views on one single video. So close to crossing off something off my bucket list. (1,000 views on one video.) I with the help of a friend got a blog and started writing posts.

I tinychatted with influences of mine; Tyler Ford and Abraham Lim. I was told by Tyler that my dreams aren't as crazy as everyone says they are. One last thing. I became a part of My first ever High school Musical "Footloose". I'm super excited for rehearsal to start and I'm ready for 2013.

I love a lot of things about this past year and yes there are other things that I disliked about this year but Life can't always go the way you would like it to. I'm ready for the new year and ready to see what it brings to me.

With much love, 

Kristina Rene'

Ps- Happy New Year!! 

Being taught things.

I really can't explain, through the years music, tv shows, Youtube, musicals.. They have all taught me so much. Music and musicals has taught me how to live, it's taught me that no matter what I'll get through everything that happens to me. It helps me through the ups and downs in life. It helps me when friends and my parents can't. One good thing about it though is that whenever it actually hits you, you don't feel the pain. I love music, I always have. I wouldn't be where I am without it. Most importantly music has taught me how to live.

Tv shows. What kind of TV shows? The inspirational ones to me of course. The ones that can bring my favorite things together. Glee is one of these shows. It's amazing to me. It has taught me things. One of the most important though is that I should never give up. I've been watching the first season and I'm getting to the second one. (Just got them on DVD for Christmas). The first season is so much drama and there is so many things that everyone is faced with but they get through it and never give up. Yes, I know it usually doesn't happen the way it does in Tv shows. Still there is the whole that it happens to everybody, well not all situations happen to everyone but still some do. The one thing you can't do is give up. That's what Glee has taught me. Yes the Glee Project is another one of these shows, don't get me started on what it has taught me though.

Youtube, more specifically Youtubers have taught me many things in the many years I've watched them all. Shay Carl for one. He made me really second guess what I really want to do with my life. If you know his story you know what I'm talking about. He made me think that I need to go after my dreams. Not be stuck doing something that I don't want to do for the rest of my life. I need to find that and start heading for it. There are so many other Youtubers that have taught me to go forward with my dreams.

Sometimes you just have to hold on...

Now, normally I would write a post about something exciting but, I can't do that today. It's weird though, this issue usually donesn't bother me as much as it has today, I don't know what it is. I'm not gonna share this issue I'm just gonna write about it.

Why can't you be there for me? Why have I not talked to you for 4 years, Why haven't I seen you for 4 or 5 years? Why am I not important to you? Why do you only want to talk to me when you want something? Why can't I come visit and not have to stay with you for a year? Why do you lie to me half the time? Why are you still with her if you fight half the time? Why are you still with her when you don't agree with things she does? Why? Just why,

I really don't understand. These are all the questions that run through my mind sometimes but most importantly just now. I don't get it, why can't you be in my life. It'd be nice. I'd like to have you here to actually care about what I do. You act like I don't exist. I'm sorry that I was born. I came into your life for a reason. Why can't you accept that. Why do you have to ignore me.

I've sent you letters, I've sent you e-mails. Nothing ever works for you. You don't respond.. you don't care. Why don't you care? I just don't understand. I'm not going to let it get me down. You let people control you. Most importantly you let HER control you. Don't you get that sometimes there are people in your life who care about you but, you want nothing to do with them because of her. You just don't care. Well soon you will care.

I haven't had you in my life for quite some time, and I'm okay with that because through it all I gained someone who cares about me, who supports me, who will be there for me, who will be there no matter what happens. That's not you though. It won't ever be unless you choose to change the way you act. To actually talk to me. As of now, you're gone. You won't be the one who will be there for every important moment in my life. If you change, maybe I'll change my mind. As of now though you are gone, I want nothing to do with you, her, or anyone related to her.

If, you're reading this, well, you might know who you are. If you don't know than that's quite a shame. If you're a friend and you understand what I mean that's great but most won't get it until I truly decide to open up about it.

Yours Truly

Kristina Rene'

 

ps, sorry this is so sad I promise, I will post a happier blog post soon.