Closing the book and starting a new one.

Today I learned that things don't happen the way you want them too. Well, I've always known this but, I experienced a true heart break. I was told that a guy that I had dated for 8 months and broke up with for really stupid reasons, that I still have feelings for has a girlfriend. I really didn't know what to do, I read the message and I just froze and I wasn't myself the rest of the day. I cried, and cried. What else was I supposed to do? I didn't want to but I had to. Now that I'm done crying and I thought to myself about what he said when our relationship was going down hill that if we found other people we weren't meant to be together, I recorded videos, hung out with my sister, the usual things I do when I'm sad. I just couldn't get over the heartbreak.

I thought more and more, and then hated myself for breaking up with him and dating another guy, If I didn't do that, would there still be a chance for us? I just wish I could go back in time and change it. I cried more, as I'm writing this I'm holding back tears. I have to thank him though, he told me he wanted to be friends and stay that way. The friendship I've had with this guy was much more amazing to me than the 8 months we spent together as a couple. It made me realize that I don't need him as a boyfriend or someone to still have feelings for, I need him as a friend. I can honestly think that I'm gonna be okay, I'm gonna make it through this.

Sometimes, you just have to know to close the book or keep turning the pages. It's time for me to close the book on this relationship and looking for that one guy that I know I will love through everything, who I can tell everything to and not be ashamed of myself, who I can be myself around, who will be himself around me, who I can be extremely weird with, who I can take pictures with, and most of all have him love me for me. I'm going to find it some day. I think though he's been around for the past four years. Everything I just described sounds like my guy best friend. I don't want to date him though because I don't want anything to happen to our relationship that we have now. If anything happened to our friendship I'd be sad, I'm sure that we'd both have the strength in it to be able to still be best friends and not have it be completely awkward.

I'm just ready to close the book and start a new one.

Yours Truly, 

Kristina Rene'