You had to Leave Just like Everyone Else

As people we all have at least one influence. Sometimes you have many for various reasons. I've had plenty of musical influences throughout my life. The thing that hurts the most though is when you have to loose the one that you are closest to, the one that is the main influence for something (In my case music)

I lost my grandpa. It was one of the hardest things that could've happened to me. Surely, I've lost people from my family but none that were this inspiring to me. He was a talented man. He is one of the main reasons for me becoming interested in music. If it weren't for him and various other people in my family than I more than likely wouldn't be singing, wouldn't be interested in music. I would more than likely be playing sports or something.

I'm really glad to have a family that is so musically oriented; my grandpa, my mom, my dad, my aunt, my uncle, well you get the point. If it weren't for them, I more than likely wouldn't be singing. wouldn't be doing music, wouldn't be on the crazy journey to get discovered.

My grandpa was a very talented and inspiring man. He was in the military,he fought in Vietnam, was a quarter master of military bands, he met plenty of famous people (Frank Sinatra, cast of three's company and more) He could play any instrument he picked up. Even though he could play pretty much every instrument he preferred percussion. Like I said pretty talented.

I was really devastated when we got the call saying that he was gone. Both me and my mom just broke out in tears crying and the worst part for me was when we had to tell my little sister the next morning when she woke up. I honestly didn't know how to deal with it, he was gone,my main influence for music, he was just gone. It's strange though, I didn't want to go to the funeral or the viewing, I didn't think I could handle it. I went anyway and I made it through. I'm glad I did though, I learned two things that day;

1.) He couldn't have looked anymore younger in his military uniform, he had said he wanted to be buried in it and I was sure glad he did say it.

2.) Music and life are exactly the same. A song eventually has to end and so does life. Even if that one piece of music has a repeat sign in it, it's only designed to repeat once. Life is very very precious so live it to the fullest, just don't take it to seriously, no one gets out alive anyway.

I know that everyone has to leave sometime, we are put on this earth to do something make something of ourselves and eventually everyone's time runs out. We can't all live forever. I've grown to accept the fact that he's gone. Sometimes I will break out in tears just thinking about him because I miss him and I know that he's gone. I just wish I could tell him about all the things I accomplish musically but I can't. It's hard moving on and finding closure, but, I've made it through and I'm proud of myself for doing so. I never forget about him though I know that he's watching over me and being there for everything I do. I know he's proud of me for doing so.

So to all the people who loose their greatest influences, or just an influence for something they do in life, it'll be alright. You will get through it. Everyone at some point in their life goes through this and everyone gets through it. Just keep that in mind.

With much love,
Kristina Rene'

Thanksgiving

Hello everyone!(: I hope that you all had the most fantastic Thanksgiving dinners and just a wonderful day yesterday. I will say, I had a really good dinner because of my dad and my mom. I helped too though. Yesterday was just so wonderful and I was happy to have my family with me. I took pictures of food and I was going to Vlog Black Friday shopping with my mom but that didn't work out in the way I had intended it too. So here are the pictures of the dinner I ate yesterday.

I just love crescent rolls. we usually don't make them for thanksgiving but I wanted to change it up a little. 

There really isn't much to this picture but I still like it.

Turkey!

Stuffing is my absolute favorite!

My sister is obsessed with this stuff and she made me take a picture

My napkin and such. 

Cut turkey.

Corn isn't my favorite but oh well. 

Place setting

Food before

Food After

This is from black friday. it's peaceful driving in town with no cars.

I'm not a bug fan of pumpkin pie so I took pictures of my sisters

Whipped cream on the other hand is good.

So, Like I said, I'm hoping you all had a great thanksgiving. I'm going to list some things I am thankful for.

1.) Family, They are all my supporters for everything I do and without them, I wouldn't be here. They make me smile, laugh and most importantly they love me and I love them.

2.) Friends. They support me. They are always here for me. I always have fun times with my friends and I love them all. They are all different and inspire me to do so many things.

3.) Music. Jeez, If I didn't have music, I'd be dead. Music taught me so many things throughout the years. The most important thing music taught me though was how to live.

4.) The house over my head.

5.) Clothes

6.) Education

7.) Troops that support our country.

There are so many things I am thankful for and I wouldn't have it any other way.

With much much love,

Kristina Rene'

Everyone gets scared, Everyone will be scared.

Charlie McDonnel who is by far one of my most favorite youtubers recently posted a video entitled "I'm Scared" In this he talks about how scared he is. He also admits to not liking most of the content he makes anymore because he feels it isn't good enough. Charlie, all I can say is that you are you, if you weren't do you think you'd have millions of subscribers? You were one of the first people that I ever watched on Youtube and I'm proud to say that I've stuck with you. You became an inspiration to me and I was able to introduce you to many friends and therefore you became an inspiration to them as well.

Everyone is scared, You won't meet a human that isn't scared about what people think, You aren't alone. It happens to almost everyone I know. I think that being scared of what people think only makes us stronger. As people we learn to grow and learn how to get over the fact that sometimes people don't like a lot of things. I get scared every time I post a video because I don't want people to think I can't sing, I don't want people to judge me. It happens to everyone and no matter what happens it won't go away. We can ignore it, but it won't go away. No matter what there are going to be people that don't like something you do or something you say.

Charlie, you mean the world to a lot of people, including me. I've never met you in my entire life but watching you throughout the years on youtube makes me feel like I have. It might to a lot of people, being a youtuber you are able to open up to so many people and make them feel inspired to do many things.

Let me just list some things that I would have never done if it wasn't for you:
1.) Post Youtube videos; I was scared, I didn't want to do it, seeing you make people laugh and have an amazing time while making them made me want to be able to do the same.
2.) I would have never known what Doctor Who was; I think you may have opened up a lot of people to Doctor Who but It's became one of my favorite shows and if it weren't for you, I wouldn't know what it was.
3.) Introduction of new Youtubers; throughout the years of watching your channel you became friends with many youtubers and therefore I started watching a lot of their videos, all because of you.
4.) I wouldn't have made and inspiration/ wall of stuff; Seeing your wall of stuff made me so inspired to make one and on my bucket list is to have a whole wall filled with stuff.
5.) I wouldn't have a great male inspiration; There are many male youtubers out there but you are my favorite, you introduced me to a new life, introduced me to many things that if it weren't for you well, I wouldn't know what or who they are.

So Charlie McDonnell if you are reading this, I'd just like to say, everyone is scared. It happens. Whatever you do don't let it get you down. As a person you just have to accept the fact that people might not like what you do. Sometimes people leave and then new people come along. However, you have many people that have never left your side, never stopped believing in you, never stopped watching your videos and well, one of these people is me.

Yours Truly, 

Kristina Rene'

Closing the book and starting a new one.

Today I learned that things don't happen the way you want them too. Well, I've always known this but, I experienced a true heart break. I was told that a guy that I had dated for 8 months and broke up with for really stupid reasons, that I still have feelings for has a girlfriend. I really didn't know what to do, I read the message and I just froze and I wasn't myself the rest of the day. I cried, and cried. What else was I supposed to do? I didn't want to but I had to. Now that I'm done crying and I thought to myself about what he said when our relationship was going down hill that if we found other people we weren't meant to be together, I recorded videos, hung out with my sister, the usual things I do when I'm sad. I just couldn't get over the heartbreak.

I thought more and more, and then hated myself for breaking up with him and dating another guy, If I didn't do that, would there still be a chance for us? I just wish I could go back in time and change it. I cried more, as I'm writing this I'm holding back tears. I have to thank him though, he told me he wanted to be friends and stay that way. The friendship I've had with this guy was much more amazing to me than the 8 months we spent together as a couple. It made me realize that I don't need him as a boyfriend or someone to still have feelings for, I need him as a friend. I can honestly think that I'm gonna be okay, I'm gonna make it through this.

Sometimes, you just have to know to close the book or keep turning the pages. It's time for me to close the book on this relationship and looking for that one guy that I know I will love through everything, who I can tell everything to and not be ashamed of myself, who I can be myself around, who will be himself around me, who I can be extremely weird with, who I can take pictures with, and most of all have him love me for me. I'm going to find it some day. I think though he's been around for the past four years. Everything I just described sounds like my guy best friend. I don't want to date him though because I don't want anything to happen to our relationship that we have now. If anything happened to our friendship I'd be sad, I'm sure that we'd both have the strength in it to be able to still be best friends and not have it be completely awkward.

I'm just ready to close the book and start a new one.

Yours Truly, 

Kristina Rene'

  

Blake Jenner on Glee (Gleecap type thing)

So, as most know Blake Jenner was on Glee last night!! I had a major fan girl moment when I saw him for this first time on T.V. since TGP. I'm really just going to do a Gleecap and well explain what I liked and didn't like.

First, I really really really REALLY loved Blaine's version of Hopelessly Devoted to You. Even though this song is sung by a girl in Grease, I really loved how they used it to explain Blaine's and Kurt's situation. It was truly amazing to me.

Second, I was like waiting for Blake to come on for a while and then when Finn went to the Football field, I knew that's where we would catch a glimpse of him. I literally screamed when I saw him and he was dancing and it was pretty funny.

Third, I really loved how Blake and Cory got to sing together and I LOVED the song that they sang together. I was really surprised to hear how much Blake's voice had changed. It is better in my opinion. I was also listening really close to Cory's voice too and I have to say that he has gotten so so so much better from season one. I really loved the glee version of Juke Box Hero, Who doesn't like classic rock?

Fourth, Blake's acting! I honestly think that he is one of the best guy actors ever! I'm actually really glad he got put on glee because the part he has, well, he nails it! Blake was by far the best actor on TGP and his acting has improved, which seems hard because he was already really good to begin with. I guess it just came with the time he had to work with directors and such versus on the glee project it was basically what you already knew how to do.

Fifth, I think Marley needs to be Nellie Veitenheimer needs to be Nellie! Especially because I think they are going to have Marley and Blake be an item. I honestly just picture Nellie because I think that they need her for that part. I don't know if they casted Marley after TGP or before but, if after I honestly think they used Nellie to shape the part.

Sixth, I really wasn't a big fan of the version of Everybody talks, Mainly because I don't like kitty. I think that this song needs a more rough voice and not such a happy go lucky voice like puckerman. Now his brother Puck would be so much better for this song, sadly he isn't on the show anymore :'(

Seventh, I really love when you get to see characters that graduated. I loved seeing Mercedes and hearing her sing the hand jive at the beginning. Mike is also the greatest dancer ever so I'm glad they are going to be helping with Grease. Finn, is just amazing and I love being able to see him at McKinley and help out with all the kids there it is just amazing. I honestly think Finn found his place there. He also looks so much more attractive this season. Just saying...

Eighth, I LOVED LOVED LOVED THE HAND JIVE. I mainly liked it because of the dancing and such, but I love the hand jive, I think it's addicting and fun and it made me happy to see it on my favorite show ever. This was probably my favorite part of the whole episode besides finding out Blake gets the part of Danny well really no surprise there.

Ninth, I realized that 30 minutes into the episode you haven't seen Rachel, and the whole episode at that. It is absolutley possible to get through a whole entire episode of Glee without Rachel. But I really want to see Kurt, so I'm glad we will be seeing Rachel, and Kurt back at NYADA next Thursday.

I really just can't explain how much I loved Blake in this episode, I want to see more like now, but I'll have to wait. I'm excited to see what's in store for Blake and all the other characters as well as what is going to happen with Grease.

Yours truly,

Kristina Rene'

Blake Jenner's Poetic side.

I know that The Glee Project has been over for a long time and all but, because Blake will be on Glee tonight, I wanted to bring back his poetic side. He showed this off in the finale after he sang I'll be (which I loved) and I fell in love with this poem, I think it is purely beautiful. Any guy that can look like Blake and be poetic that's just amazing,(: (Find me one please) So now you're wondering where is the poem, well here ya go.

I'm they guy who will persist in his path, 
I'm the guy who will make you laugh. 
I'm the guy who strives to be open, 
I'm the guy that's been heart broken.
I'm the guy whose been on his own, 
I'm the guy whose felt alone.
I'm the guy who holds your hand, 
And, I'm the guy who will stand up and be a man. 
I'm the guy who tries to make things better,
I'm the guy whose the whitest half- Cuban ever. 
I'm the guy whose lost more than he's won,
I'm the guy whose turned but never spun.
I'm the guy that you couldn't see, 
I'm that guy and that guy is me. 

Beautiful isn't it? I truly love it, It's on my folder too, so yeah. I really think that Blake is all of these things. You could even tell from the show for the most part. I love how Blake really is a man, because when Nellie was feeling insecure about things he talked to her about it and made it better. Hopefully I'm not mixing fan- fiction with the facts (; I want to know what everyone else thinks of the poem, so feel free to comment and you can even tweet me about it,

I'll be posting more soon,(: I promise.

Yours Truly, 

Kristina Rene'

A Take On Mental Illness

Honestly, I never knew how much mental illness could affect my life until I met my best friend. I knew she wasn't the same as everyone else but, I never really knew what was wrong. Through our friendship she has opened up to me and I have learned a lot about mental illness, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and many other things.

I never actually knew how much I wanted to help people with this illness until I met this friend. She really has opened up a new world to my eyes. I thank her for this. I have realized that a lot of medical facilities will take mentally ill people out of these places and then they end up on the streets. Half the time they don't know what they are doing and then guess where they end up.... in the prison system. All because they aren't completely with it.

Many times I have been with my one friend through panic attacks and most are really different. It's hard to deal with them sometimes because like I said each one is different. I feel really bad though because most of the time I truly don't know how to deal with some of these situations. I have learned over time and I am slowly getting better at it.

Most of the time my friends and I will get her to focus on something else and it usually works. Just recently she was over at my house and it was her, another friend of mine, and me. She had told my one friend she didn't think she could stay. She didn't think she could handle it. We both tried to get her to think of something else and we would do something else to get her mind off of it because it usually works. We were all in my room and she asked me to sing "The Scientist" I pulled out my ipod and played the Glee Version. After it was over she asked me and my one friend if we disappointed her. Without a question my friend and I told her no.

I love this girl and I think there needs to be more ways to help people with mental illnesses. I know more than one person who suffers and life would be so much more simpler if we could find a cure. Unlike most people these kids; even adults, suffer from this illness. I want to be able to help in some way shape or form. Whether it be raising awareness or actually going towards a child physiologist degree in college. I'm not sure it's possible to find a cure, but then again anything could happen. I truly want things to be okay for the people  that suffer from any type of mental illness. Many face horrible depression which leads to suicidal thoughts and lots of people actually do harm themselves because of it. I think it's unfair that their brain makes them feel this way. Sure there is anti- depressants and other medications but these just make the person completely different from who they are. Many could see a therapists however, most people don't like therapists.

There needs to be more, there has to be a way, I don't think I'm going to be the one to find it, In fact, I know I won't. However I will do my best to help find the cure, by raising awareness or going towards a degree that  I can use to help people with mental illness.

Many people know that there is mental illness but they take the highway and act like it doesn't exist and push other issues like same sex marriage and other really pointless stuff. They act as if it doesn't matter. Well you know what, it does matter, to me it does. It's time people stop taking the highway to avoid this and to start turning around and trying to find a cure.

Yours truly, 

Kristina Rene'

Ps: I'm including an e-mail in which you can contact me for advice and such, It will be in the about me section as well as right here, feel free to do so. I may not get back right away because it's not my first email I check for things but I will get back eventually. 

jbfan4232@gmail.com

Something I miss..

Woah! I haven't blogged in forever. I've been so busy but I'm back! I'm going to try to get on a daily schedule of blogging because I need to do this more often. Any who let's get to what I really wanted to talk about.

Now Honestly there is a lot of things that I really miss whether it be friends, memories, or just tv shows. I am really really really missing The Glee Project, right now however, I'm super excited that when Glee comes back which is less than a week, Blake Jenner, will be on this most fantastic show,(: (eeep so excited, fan girl moments). People think I'm crazy because I miss this show so much but, maybe you will understand when I tell you why.

First off, I miss being able to listen to Nellie, Tyler, Abraham, Aylin, Charlie, Blake, Shanna, and pretty much everyone on the show sing. Yes, I know Charlie is coming out with an ep, and so is Shanna, but I need their voices, right now like every week. Which is why I wish that they sold the music from The Glee Project on Itunes or something. I would seriously love that!! It is just something about all of these people's voices that I love so much and I just wish I could hear them every week, like every Tuesday night at 10.

Second of all, I miss Tyler Ford's laugh!! No Lie, I think it is the most amazing laugh in the whole entire world, Yeah, that sounds a little creepy, I know, but oh well. I also miss being able to relate to some of the things that all of the contestants said on the show. For Instance, Blakes Poem during the Finale(Which I will be doing a blog post on if you want to know the whole poem), and when Nellie said "In Everyday life, I'm not necessarily the kind of person that digs deep." I just really miss these things, there really is a lot more, but I don't want to bore anybody so yeah(:

I'll be blogging more hopefully, and if you haven't go check out my YouTube where I have posted videos recently, and feel free to go check out my twitter, and my instagram the user name is the same as my youtube(:

Yours truly,

Kristina Rene'