Throwbacks and New Beginnings

Trick or treating with my best friend Zach

5th birthday party or maybe 6th with my bff Zach

I wanted to help clean the bathroom.

mini golfing and striking a pose as I always did when I was younger

My last bike ride with training wheels. 

So today is what most people on instagram would call tbt (Throw back Thursday) I'm always so overwhelmed seeing people's pictures from years ago. As I was on my computer uploading photos to Facebook I just had to go through all of my old pictures that are on my laptop. I almost started to cry as I was looking over most of them (These only being a few). It just brought back so many memories for me. More than I though possible for a day. Somehow I wish I could go back to my younger self. I feel there was more times when I wasn't always so upset and unhappy with life. I loved having my picture taken and now I despise every time my mother gets the camera and tries to take a picture of me. I desperately wish for my guy best friend back, to be always happy and smiling, helping my parents with stuff, having more energy, learning how to ride a bike without training wheels and so on. The list is just endless.

The reason I almost cried looking at some of these pictures is because I miss the memories I made as a kid and the friends I had. Looking at these pictures and some of the things I do I see my little sister because she acts the same way I did as a child. That just makes the pictures more emotional. Looking back at all these I know I'm not a little girl anymore. In 2 years I'll be able to drive and in 4 I'll be heading out to college to do something that I'm not even sure I want to do which is become a doctor. It scares me. 2 years I'll be a licensed driver, surely that should be fun, but why do these things scare me? I'm scared because I'm not so little anymore and I'm growing up way faster then what I had intended to. Driving is going to give me some freedom and I won't have to ask my mom to drive me every where which I love our drives together simply because we are so close. In 4 years I'll be leaving for college and I'm leaving my mom, dad, sister and brother behind, the people that I've been so close to for my whole life. That's mainly why it scares me.


Even though sometimes I wish for all the childhood back, when I truly think about it, I don't truly want it. If I hadn't acted the way I did and said what I said when I was little then I wouldn't be who I am today. Those things only made me stronger. Now going into high school I'm just nervous and scared, I'm ready for a new beginning and I feel that middle school really held that back for me. I'm ready to start all over and just live with the friends that I have now and have them as well as my family drive me through this so called journey of life.

Yours Truly,
Krissy

Ps: I've been really loving Nellie Veitenheimer's new song Lights and especially this line.
What is fair in this fake world of reality 
I am scared that you'll go home and forget about me 
Is it yet windy enough for the city to just blow you away 
Have you gathered enough facts for you and I to be okay 
If the high road is the road we must take 
Well instead I've now decided we don't need roads 
We'll float away 
It just makes so much sense to me.